multiplyby4=me

tonight is a strange night... I must admit..i have a huge buzz and have been out of weed for probably about a day if you want to be straight forward... I will be the first to tell you that withdrawls from marijuana is real.... it makes you feel like you have the flu... body ache, headache, the depression is more than you can bare and all you want to do is do whatever it is to make it go away, do my choice today was alcohol, that's my choice everyday whether there is weed or not, but the weed does help subside the alcoholism, it makes my brain function like someone who is normal... I don't know what normal would be or what is like but I am sure it's amazing... almost like drinking a drink or taking a drug... how depressing it is  to come up with an amazing recipe or an amazing idea to only know its because your brain was heightened by a drug? I wonder everyday if there will come a time that I can be like my husband? The most astonashing thing about him is he can do whatever drug I am doing at the moment, say I don't want this anymore and not do it?? Even if it's right in front of him?? It amazing how?? You know it's the most on top of the world feeling but you deny it??? Crazy!!! but then at the same time he will feed me whatever addiction I am on and completely feel ok with feeding my demon?? I wonder why such and amazing man will continue to stay with such a damage person???? I CAN NOT BE FIXED!!!!!!!!!!!